either way, it’s gone

must have misinterpreted
maybe you led me on
had this twisted vision in my brain
must have been insane
didn’t want it to be wrong
it’s not the past that haunts me
but the fact that you don’t want me
and I loved you for so long…

beating myself up over you
self-image black and bruised
so confused
used
and you don’t even show one ounce of feeling blue…

ego screaming fuck love
and I pretend to mean it
even after love was shattered
happily ever after
is all that really mattered
and I still believe in it…

so optimistic it makes me sick
nauseous
knots in my stomach
finger down my throat
I can’t even vomit
too full of hope
I’ll find magic again,
I just know it…

disgusted with myself
just give up and move on
put hope on shelf
say farewell, so long
stop crying
it’s either a blessing or a lesson
and I stay stressing
denying
either way it’s gone…