#fatherless #poetry #poems #iamyourfather #brother #love

at a funeral he mumbles, “I don’t have a father…”
his haunted hallways finally hollowed,
toughed up and tainted by a one-too-many
“fishing, I’ll be there by three” promise
his heavy, tar-stained heart
now plucked vows like bloody strings on a guitar
and crippling “don’t have a dad” darkness;
love, you shouldn’t have to force it
so you left it where he left you–
on the doorstep;
and I wonder what’s worse:
one that’s buried and you never knew
or a fiend with a son he never gave a chance to?

perhaps you can love him once he’s dead

-iekika nikole

She’s Not

She’s not a suffering black hole
that’ll let you rent for free,
doesn’t have wicked demons
walking in slippers
in satin sands on the Cove of Tennessee.
Her nightmares aren’t drunken pollution
meant to indulge or deceive.
She’s not a dirty word
you stutter in your sockless,
swollen sleep.
She’s just ordinary,
moon-gazing,
raw poetry;
and her bestseller love
is her own agony.
Digs her own grave with every
staggered breath
and borrowed apology;
just a hurried hurricane
in a hidden graveyard of pain,
hesitant to let go of almost memories.

-iekika nikole


Smooth petal-like time
rippled beneath them;
No more barefoot alleyway days
or chicken fights on the log.

It used to be War in the field till the last man was standing,
but now Anchor swings are untangled,
their bench sits untouched,
and the Indian clay is gone.

It was dodging Winston and his strumming guitar,
lazy summers, water balloons, neighborhood hide-and-go-seek.

It was Connect Four & Guess Who?
popsicle sticks, paint fights, and glitter glue;
It was their best $33 a week.

It was rollerblade grinding an orange rack,
hula hoop, Tip It, and hopscotch.
Now Never Ending Alley could fit in his pocket
and Gene’s candy tabs are all paid off.

But for some wayward souls, even life stopped.

like forsaken Rainbow Girl on the wall,
she aches to hear “I play winner,” one last time;
and if you park yourself on Shady Hill long enough,
you’ll feel silent weeping when Mr. Peeing Tree cries.

It was Cyclones vs. Hurricanes,
It was first loves, best friends, family, growth, and pain.

Now it’s the Colonial blood in their veins,
panic-filled and whispering, ”Please remember my name,”
lingering like lost laughter in the back of her brain.

without her

well, hello darkness
I knew you’d be back soon
like the day she went home; we lost her
the day she really left us alone with each other
— the 29th of June —
the sky, so beautiful; so blue
so confident, but long overdue
suddenly and slowly faded to gray
as if he already knew
and I saw her soul aimlessly drifting
as she floated right past the moon
inevitable as it was,
didn’t want to let her go
but what else was there to do?
overwhelming sadness and sorrow
ran out of time that was already borrowed
tear-stained and sobbing their last goodbyes
but nobody heard my silent cries
She’s gone…
She’s dead…
She died…
and I’m wandering so far ashore
helplessly stuck in the eye of the storm
without her
my anchor
fire-like lightning flashing inside me
it’s my growing anger
I miss her
left desolate and deprived
without her,
my whole world crumbled, then vanished
I’m barley alive…

either way, it’s gone

must have misinterpreted
maybe you led me on
had this twisted vision in my brain
must have been insane
didn’t want it to be wrong
it’s not the past that haunts me
but the fact that you don’t want me
and I loved you for so long…

beating myself up over you
self-image black and bruised
so confused
used
and you don’t even show one ounce of feeling blue…

ego screaming fuck love
and I pretend to mean it
even after love was shattered
happily ever after
is all that really mattered
and I still believe in it…

so optimistic it makes me sick
nauseous
knots in my stomach
finger down my throat
I can’t even vomit
too full of hope
I’ll find magic again,
I just know it…

disgusted with myself
just give up and move on
put hope on shelf
say farewell, so long
stop crying
it’s either a blessing or a lesson
and I stay stressing
denying
either way it’s gone…

so, thank you

Comfort Suites
Room 309
all the way to your toes
and down my spine
morning laughs
when we climax, high-fives
Jack in the Box, 4am
“Sorry, we’re closed”
so close back then —
almost
so why aren’t you mine?…
April was so good to us
Supernatural
cocoa butter back rubs
leg bites
tangled tightly
every-night thing
birds chirping
sunrise brings goodbyes
long hugs
saw the way you looked at me
(but it was only once)
let’s do drugs
pop yellow pills
when you’re inside me
I just love the way it feels
long drives
I’ll hold you down
lay your head on me
so comfortable when you’re around
your confidence looks good on me
I can finally be myself
… so, thank you…
even though initial highs quickly faded
feelings weren’t reciprocated
and deep down I knew the lust just wouldn’t last
I still smile every time I think of the past
because I found a friend to call on in tough times
and that’s better and survives
longer than a love that blooms and dies…
… so, thank you…